©2008 Paul Kolnik

©2008 Paul Kolnik

Here’s a still from the song “the bitch of living”.  You must see this play…it didn’t win a gaggle of Tonys for nothing, yanno.

I won’t hype it up…just go already.


subtlety?

06Jun08

why oh why do some people have to hold a dollar over the tip jar and clear their throats to make sure that the barista is looking at them?  and when the person at the counter doesn’t look up, the idiot puts the dollar away and takes out change, dropping it noisily (ONE BY ONE) into the jar?   EVERY DAY.  e v e r y d a y .  *sigh*


So yesterday, i went over to my mom’s…and very nonchalantly, she says, “i talked to esther’s aunt today on the phone”. 

esther?  esther who?

“you remember esther…from church”

oh. *that* esther.  what did she say about esther?

“well, she told me quite a bit…but mostly, she called to apologize.”

apologize for what? 

“well, i guess that there’s a lot of drama at our old church”

apologize for what? (by this point, i’m annoyed that i’m curious enough to ask about these people again…and annoyed that my mom is just stretching it out way too long for my taste)

“she wanted to call and say that she was sorry for all that was said about you and me long ago (apparently behind our backs) and that she wasn’t strong enough of an individual to speak up or stand up for us.  Also, she said she respects me for raising you right…even with the obstacle of being a single mother with not as much money as any of the others…i guess everyone was banking that i would be on welfare and you’d be some wayward clubkid.   ”

What the fuck?!  Just because you’re a single mother doesn’t make you into a Lifetime movie, mom….

“i know…i know…but i guess they all thought the odds weren’t in our favor…since your dad was the breadwinner back then.   Oh she heard that i still have a pretty successful business ”

What else did she say?

“oh yeah, she said that she heard that you had done well for yourself”

apparently going to Stanford and med school is doing ‘well for yourself’

“and that you married well and had a beautiful little boy”

ugh…is that what matters to these people?  is it really all about status? 

“ooh…and she gave me an update on your old friends…esther’s family is pretty messed up, brother in rehab a couple of times, mom and dad living on different continents…Oh and then…christina’s family went bankrupt…you remember how big their house was in St Francis Woods?  Well, it’s gone and now they’re living in a 1 BR apt…Ooh…and then donna…well…there’s a lot of strife happening in that family, financially and personally…and no one talks to anyone else…it’s just sad.  why didn’t you tell me all that stuff that went on way back when? ”

You had enough to deal with mom..i didn’t need you fighting my battles for me. 

“but honey, you should have told me..not that bullying amongst kids can really be stopped by their parents.  i’m sorry that you went through all that.  anyway, how do you feel knowing all this new stuff?”

(mind you, my mom said this all pretty solemnly so it wouldn’t seem like she was relishing in other peoples’ misfortune…although i’m sure she was enjoying telling me a little bit…like it would somehow erase all the memories or pain)

Um.  I dunno.

“just I dunno?  you don’t have anything to say?”

um.   i guess i dunno what to say?  i never wanted them to hurt or struggle like i did…i just wanted them to realize how much they hurt me…  but knowing that it’s all kinda come full circle … it doesn’t make it better or worse.  but…i do now truly feel sorry for them.  

“you’re a good person.  even when people say bad things about you, you turn the other cheek and are the bigger person…”

mom? did i ever tell you about the time when esther’s mom came to my wedding?  at the reception, when matt and i made the rounds, she had the nerve to say,  ” congratulations!  you’re so lucky!  you found someone to take you!  oh btw, did i tell you that esther is really skinny and pretty now?  you should really lose weight. why didn’t you lose weight for your wedding?”  and i responded, “ohh..she’s really skinny now?  is she married?”  “no…she isn’t even dating” “oh…so she’s really skinny and not married or dating. so, I’m going to assume that it’s her personality that is her impediment.  that’s really a shame…such a waste of a skinny body, don’t you agree?  have a good time and thank you again for coming to our wedding.”   remember how mad I was at you for inviting her to my wedding mom?   i’m sorry for being mad, because that was pretty much the closest thing to closure that i got with any of them.

“oh…i didn’t know all that.  why didn’t you tell me?  i wouldn’t have invited her then!  …  But see?  everything comes out even in the end. whether in life or death.  you’re just lucky it happened while you were alive so you could enjoy it”

thanks mom…you wise morbid old crackpot.  i love you. 

 


I think that this is going to be my new motto in life.   The best laid plans always go awry.   I’ve decided that I can’t really plan anything anymore…and I just need to let go and stop being so anal retentive about everything!  

It’s taken me a while to post anything new because it’s really hard to type while shoveling Tums in my piehole.  Anything tomato based or sweet brings on excruciating acid-reflux.   Fun huh?  BUT frozen sweets like ice cream don’t seem to bother me or the cute little parasite inside me.   Drumstick cones are our new favorite food group. 

Here’s to the next adventure in my life…filled with lots of diapers and unplanned events.


wow

14Dec07

So, the other day, I firmly stood my ground. 

The simpering idiot from a couple weeks back made such a weirdly random and rude comment that I decided to speak up and say my peace. 

She comes up to me one morning and says, “oh wow, your hips are getting so wide!!  it must be so hard to fit into your clothes anymore…and your belly!   Wow…you could stand in for Santa this year!”   Yeah, so in my mind, I punched her in the face and clawed her eyes out.  In reality, I told her, “look…I know you’re trying to just be observant, but in all honesty, it hurts my feelings and it’s quite disrespectful.  I know that you’ve never had a child so I’ve tried to be really understanding with your comments as of late, but it comes off quite differently to the receiver of your remarks.”  She was kinda taken aback…turned around and then told a co-worker, “watch what you say, Prego is really sensitive right now and she can’t take a joking comment”.    He then told Insensitve Creature that she was, in fact, very rude and my response to her was warranted.  I still don’t think she’ll ever learn. 

Oh well.  And for the record, I’ve actually LOST weight since I’ve become pregnant…so I’m kinda wondering if she also considered me a shoo-in for Santa’s job before I got knocked up.   Hmmm.   


WTF?!?!?!

11Dec07

WTF, originally uploaded by ihategreenpeas.

It’s pancake/waffle batter in a spray can. The packaging actually reads: No mess, no cleanup. You simply shake and spray onto your choice of frypan or waffle iron!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

And it’s ORGANIC? What??

 Close up


mudface

07Dec07

What happens when your puppy digs in the mud… *sigh* , originally uploaded by ihategreenpeas.

So…we’ve moved and Cooper has decided that he needed to be one with the grass/sod. When I first saw him, I thought he was holding a dirty black sock….I thought wrong.